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GreatSchools: The Parents' Guide to K-12 Success
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How Can I Help My Child Make Friends?
Ask the Experts: As a parent of a fairly shy first-grader, how much can I expect the school to help her make friends on the playground?
By Dr. Ruth Jacoby, Educational Consultant
Question: There doesn't seem to be much supervision on the playground at lunch recess. As a parent of a fairly shy girl, how much can I expect the school to help her make social transitions into play on the schoolyard? In what ways do schools physically help first-graders with social skills, specifically at recess?
Answer: Since your child is shy and you are worried, contact the teacher and ask for a conference. At this meeting, come prepared with a list of your questions and concerns so you don't leave out anything.
Stress to the teacher that your main area of concern is your daughter's shyness, especially when it comes to making friends. Tell her that you would appreciate any suggestions and input she may have, and ask her how she might encourage your daughter to become friends with some of her classmates at recess. You may ask her to buddy up your daughter with a peer who has similar interests and personalities while they are at recess, and maybe during group project time in the classroom.
Ask the teacher if there is a special student your daughter seems to like and if it is possible for them to exchange phone numbers so that you can set a play-date after school. This may encourage an outside-of-school friendship.
Remember to thank the teacher after the meeting for assisting you and your daughter, and to ask her to keep you posted on how things are going. You may want to request a follow-up conference date just to have a short chat about the progress your daughter is making.
Dr. Ruth Jacoby has been involved in education for more than 30 years as an educator, principal and currently as an educational consultant in Florida. She is the co-author of the School Talk! Success Series.
Got a Question?
If your first-grader has an academic or school-related behavior problem you would like help solving, send it to myfirstgrader@greatschools.net
Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.
July 2005
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Comments From GreatSchools.net Users
06/2/2008:
"for some people it s hard to make a long lasting friendship"
04/28/2008:
"very good article need more of this type in the future."
02/11/2008:
"I don't have a feedback, but I have a question about this school, because my mother wants me to go to this school next year. I was wondering if the students have to wear uniforms, or their own clothes. If you get this, can you answer as fast as you can, by posting a comment about this email. That will help me make up my mind really fast."
10/18/2007:
"Get him evaluated RIGHT AWAY. Do NOT trust your family doctor - they do not have enough training to diagnose. I have heard many stories of doctors saying there is nothing wrong with a child who has autism, for various reasons such as not wanting it to be true, not wanting to hurt the parents, lack of knowledge, even political & financial pressures. If your son does have autism, the sooner you treat it, the more success you will have. If your son does not have autism, then you will not worry about it anymore. Read more at www.firstsigns.org"
03/22/2007:
"I have a question, My son is 3 years and is very independant. In his Sunday school class he doesn't play with the other kids during play time. He's not shy or a bully and is very coordinated and able to do all the activities very well, he just is happier playing by himself. His teacher says that she tries to get him to play and then just gives up, he is happy by himself. Would Montissori education work well for him, could he be autistic? He speaks very well and my brother who had autism only speaks a few words, so I don't think that's it and my family doctor doesn't think so either. But I hate to see him so alone while other kids play. Cathy Jackson"
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